People often ask me what is school like for the boys. Our boys are the only non Chinese kids in the entire school. They also happen to be Caucasian. So they really stick out next to all of their Asian classmates. It has meant a lot of attention for them. The children at the school are so incredibly friendly to the boys. Everyone whether in their classes or in another class are shouting “HELLO!” to them as they walk around the school. Both of the boys are enjoying that attention. They are trying to make sense of why they are getting so much of it. I hear Gavin saying things like – does everyone like us because we are so beautiful, Mom…..or are we the only beautiful kids in the whole school, Mom? Every day as we walk down the street people oh and ah over them. 20 something girls run to the stroller like my boys are rock stars. The other day after they left Gavin said, “Mom, those girls were cute, cute, CUTE!” I wonder how the boys will adjust when they return back to the US and aren’t so unique and they are no longer the center of attention. It might be a tough transition.
The morning begins each day with a mandatory health inspection. You line up and the school nurse checks your mouth/throat and your hands. I can tell you that they do not keep kids with colds out of school, and there is probably a whole host of other contagious things that you can know about looking into someone’s mouth. They do not wash their hands between kids, and it just makes you wonder if what they are doing makes kids safer or spreads more disease.
School lasts from 7:30-5:15. I usually drop the boys off around 8 so that I can feed them breakfast at home; although the school feeds breakfast to the kids at school. The school day is much the same. The differences are mainly that it is in Mandarin, and that they have a 2 ½ hour mandatory nap. I found out recently that they make the kids strip down to their underwear to sleep. Each child has their own bed. It is kind of sad to look at, and my boys really do not like the naps. We will probably hire a tutor and take them out of school for that time every day. It will make it easier to get the kids to bed at night.
Much of what kids learn in kindergarten is the same as in the U.S. The big differences between U.S. and Asian education start in the 1st grade when Chinese kids start memorizing everything. They accelerate to 5 grade level math quickly. Then they spend the rest of their time doing story problems. For example, if you want to make 5 triangles what is the smallest amount of sticks that you can use?
My boys love school. It doesn't seem as interactive and there aren't as many group/individual hands on projects as schools in the US have, but I think they are developing socially in ways they wouldn't in the U.S. just because they get so much attention. I see their self confidence growing in their social ability. It has been great for both Gavin and Sam: Gavin because he always wants to be the leader and now he gets to practice those skills and Sam because he is growing out of his shyness.
Both boys now look forward to going to school each day, and they seem to have accepted both the naps and the long hours.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Beijing Car Lottery
Walking around China you loose the feeling quit quickly that you are in a communist country. It is very modern, there are vendors selling everything from socks to cell phones, people are busy pursuing their careers, etc. Then reality hits you from time to time. I had one of these moments when learning what it takes to buy a car in China. It isn't as simple as going to a car lot, picking out what you want and paying for it. You have to enter your name into a lottery - depending on your status you get entered into different lotteries. So, for example, if you are a foreigner you are in a different lottery and fewer cars are awarded. I have been warned that if I plan to stay in Beijing longer than 3 years that I should enter my name in the lottery even if I don't want a car now. Even after you do own a car there are some days you are allowed to drive it, other days you are not depending on your license plate number. In Beijing it is one day a week that you can't drive your car.
When you do get the opportunity to buy a car - be prepared to pay a lot of money. The government charges a 125% tax on it. So that $25,000 Honda sedan will cost you around $60,000.
That said, there is traffic in Beijing, but it is the same as in Los Angeles, New York, Barcelona or any other city around the world. Before coming I read about a traffic jam in Beijing that lasted 7 consecutive days.
When you do get the opportunity to buy a car - be prepared to pay a lot of money. The government charges a 125% tax on it. So that $25,000 Honda sedan will cost you around $60,000.
That said, there is traffic in Beijing, but it is the same as in Los Angeles, New York, Barcelona or any other city around the world. Before coming I read about a traffic jam in Beijing that lasted 7 consecutive days.
First Day of School and Beyond...
The next day school started around 8 am, pick up was at 5:15, and in between was a mandatory daily health exam, Chinese language, food, a mandatory 2 1/2 hour nap, new teachers, and new classmates.
In Gavin fashion he looked at me and said, "Mom, I am going to school today, and I am going to like it!". Then he gave me a kiss and walked right into his class.
Sam, a shy boy, took Gavin's lead and said almost the same thing and off he went witout any crying. Not bad for his first day of school ever. I heard later that they had English class that day. They invited Sam to the front of the class to speak English, and instead of speaking he burst into tears. It was just too much pressure for the little guy.
As the days of the week continued Sam became more scared to go to class. Towards the end of the week he would scream and cry while I was dropping him off. I sat outside his classroom window to see how long it lasted. 10-15 minutes later I could still hear him screaming - "Mommy, I need you. I can't be brave anymore, Mommy!" It just breaks your heart, but at the end of the drama you know how much fun he is going to have, and the perspective gives you the strength you need in the moment to let go.
In Gavin fashion he looked at me and said, "Mom, I am going to school today, and I am going to like it!". Then he gave me a kiss and walked right into his class.
Sam, a shy boy, took Gavin's lead and said almost the same thing and off he went witout any crying. Not bad for his first day of school ever. I heard later that they had English class that day. They invited Sam to the front of the class to speak English, and instead of speaking he burst into tears. It was just too much pressure for the little guy.
As the days of the week continued Sam became more scared to go to class. Towards the end of the week he would scream and cry while I was dropping him off. I sat outside his classroom window to see how long it lasted. 10-15 minutes later I could still hear him screaming - "Mommy, I need you. I can't be brave anymore, Mommy!" It just breaks your heart, but at the end of the drama you know how much fun he is going to have, and the perspective gives you the strength you need in the moment to let go.
School Enrollment
By the time the results of the medical exam came in the school was getting antsy to receive our tuition. We are in a Chinese public kindergarden, but everyone pays about $2,000 in tuition per child for the year, and another $2,000 per child for food, bedding, etc. The school requires you to pay the tuition first in a lump sum cash payment - no wires are accepted. So I couldn't pay that from the U.S.
As my trip to China got closer I was worried about arriving in China and being forced to give my children immunizations in China that were required by the school. So I didn't want to pay tuition until I knew that my kids passed the health exam, and that I knew they would not be given any immunizations while living in China.
Sam and Gavin passed the health exam, and I took the results to the school. If you are reading this as a how to manual on emmigrating to China - there was also a little booklet that I had to buy from the hospital and take it to the school so that they could keep a log of the children's health....or maybe we took that booklet back to the hospital. I can't remember, but you might be required to do the same thing.
Come to find out that I did not have all of the necessary immunizations. I begged and pleaded to wait for the immunizations until our next trip to the United States. At first the school nurse resisted, but then gave me a waiver of liability, and I signed it. Not being required to be immunized is a new policy. It is really monumental - before you didn't have the right to regulate what was put into your body. In essence the state owned your body. Now in China in their immunization policy they are telling you that you own your body - that it is not owned by the government. In the U.S. we are moving in the opposite direction.
Actually it worked out in my favor because if they had all of their immunizations I would have had to have the immunization record translated, stamped by a seperate hospital (not the one of the health exam), and then that would have been submitted to the school. I got to skip that step. I am always happy to avoid government bureacracy!
Next we introduced the boys to their teachers and showed them their classrooms. We were invited into the school because of one of Gavin's friends from PreK in Los Angeles had moved back to Beijing, and her mom got us into the school. We had been so busy upon our arrival that I had seen my friend, but Gavin had not seen his former classmate. While he was visiting his new classroom we said hi to her. Instead of being welcoming of Gavin she turned her back and when he tried to get her attention she began to cry, and wouldn't even say hello to Gavin. It was really a sad moment. Here we had come all that way, and Gavin was so excited to see his friend and she wouldn't even look at him. I was afraid of what he might be feeling as we left the classroom. In Gavin fashing he said, "It is just okay, mom.", and he went on a little sad, but moving forward. I was nervous about what he would be feeling and experiencing tomorrow in his new class led entirely in Mandarin, new foods, new teachers, new customs/culture, etc., and feeling alienated by someone who just months before he played with every day and had had such a warm friendship.
After we left the school we set up another bank account at the Agriculture Bank of China. That is where the school has their account, and they require that all parents have an account at that bank and give the school permission to do automatic withdrawls from your account to pay for the ongoing monthly expenses (food, bedding etc.)
Exploring Beijing
2 days after our arrival, with the health exam results taking so long we seized the opportunity to explore the city. I couldn't believe that I was running around Beijing with 2-3 little boys, not speaking a word of Mandarin....but I did have money, my address, and a cell phone.
One unexpected blessing in Beijing is that it is really easy to get around. I thought I would be trapped inside an apartment, only being able to walk to and from school. The subway system is amazing, and it is in both English and Mandarin. You can easily get around by taxi by showing the cabby the address to where ever you want to go. So we were able to get around those first few days without using much if any Mandarin.
During the first few days in Beijing we used them to both get things set up and to explore the city. The two places we went to were the Beijing Botanical Gardens and to the Science Museum. Both were amazing.
We had fun walking around the botanical gardens. As part of being there we saw a honey bee museum and a butterfly museum/butterfly house. It was so amazing. We got to see many butterflies that we had read about in books. One butterfly we saw was one that masquerades as a leaf, but until we went to the butterfly house I didn't realize that the inside wings were so colorful and beautiful. It is just the outside of their wings that look like brown leaves.
The boys played so hard that day that they turned the bath water brown and all kinds of things were floating on the top. Gross even by Chinese standards!
The science museum was simply incredible. 5 floors on hands on exhibits for children. The first floor is really for kids 7 and below. It introduces you to the various branches of science through games, toys, puzzles, building structures, etc. For example there is one exhibit where you get to try to build a house that is earth quake proof. In another exhibit you watch baby chickens hatching. There are computer simulated programs. A river where you can practice building dams, etc. The upper 4 floors go into great depths. For example in the first floor the health and body area lets you pretend to take care of patience, brush a giant set of teeth. In the upper level the body area explores different diseases, lets you travel through the bloodstream in a giant submarine, play a video game where you are the white blood cell shooting viruses, take a journey inside an MRI machine, etc. The boys will be regulars at that museum while we are living in Beijing.
Finding the right nanny
The Chinese word for nanny is "Ayi" which translates to "Aunt". To my knowledge there is no chinese word for nanny or babysitter. When I have heard Chinese people speak in Chinese about babysitters - they use the English word. Perhaps this is because most children are cared for by family members.
Ayis enjoy a terrible reputation in China. Many of my Chinese friends have warned me that an Ayi will be very nice to children when the parents are around, but abusive when the family has left, that they steal, etc. I am not sure why this is - resentment towards the upper class, poor education, no respect for the job, culture....who knows.
Playing with a child is not common even amongst parents and grandparents who are caring for their own child/grandchildren. I am not saying that they do not have their own ways of showing love for children, but it isn't as playful or imaginative as you see in other cultures. To properly care for a child Chinese people make sure noses are wiped, that children do not injure themselves, and that they are bundled up. We had a temporary Ayi when we first arrived and she would stand over our shoulder while we ate with a broom/dustpan and sweep up crumbs as they dropped on the floor. When the boys tried to touch her to be friendly and playful she would swat their hands away. Personally, I feel like doing that too - so I can empathize, but it probably wasn't a good fit us.
I have been surprised at how much people who care for children are looked down on in Chinese culture. Virtually all of the Ayis that work in Beijing are from rural villages who are working in Beijing illegally. They work 6 days a week; 10-12 hours a day and make about 3,000 RMB per month ($500 USD). Now I know what you are thinking, but to put this into perspective teachers make 2,500-3,200 per month. PHD's working in industry make about 5,000 RMB per month ($850 USD). So other than public perception being an Ayi is a good living. If you are a teacher that has scrapped her career for a job as an Ayi your salary is 4,000 RMB per month working for a Chinese family probably 5,000+ for a foreign family.
Finding an Ayi has been an interesting experience. There are not many foreigners that live in my part of town so I have had to use local Chinese Ayi agencies to find employees. You go to an agency and usually there is a room filled with 1-2 dozen Ayis who are sometimes living at the agency until they are able to find work (1-3 months). Some agencies do a great job of screening and training the applicants, and the agency's facilities are clean. In other agencies you get the sense that people are shipped in large quantities and treated more like cattle than people. The feeling in those agencies was very depressing. Regardless of which agency you go with - your fees for both their services and the Ayis services are the same.
As you are interviewing Ayis you get questions/comments like:
- When the baby naps, I expect to nap.
- It takes me an hour to get to your house so I expect to leave at 5 pm.
- If I am taking care of your child, I cannot be expected to clean or cook.
- Do you want me to be in the room and watch the baby while he sleeps?
- They want to know very early on in the conversation how much you are going to pay them and what their hours will be. They were not shy about asking for more money or shorter hours.
We ended up hiring an Ayi for an agency that screened their applicants and found us a good match....or so we think/hope. She knows how to play with the boys and they all like her. I knew she was the Ayi for us when I got to the park last Saturday. It was 60 degrees out, all of the boys had their jackets, socks and shoes off and they were playing in the mud.
We signed a contract with the agency tonight. I am a little bit of a commitment phob - so we'll see how we do going forward. If she continues to do well or if she now slacks off. The next steps are to give the Ayi a health exam to make sure she isn't carrying any diseases (TB, AIDS, etc.), and to have her photo taken so that I can get her an ID card so that she can pick up the children from school if needed. I have also been warned to have the health of the Ayi reevaluated if she leaves Beijing to visit family.
The Chinese word for nanny is "Ayi" which translates to "Aunt". To my knowledge there is no chinese word for nanny or babysitter. When I have heard Chinese people speak in Chinese about babysitters - they use the English word. Perhaps this is because most children are cared for by family members.
Ayis enjoy a terrible reputation in China. Many of my Chinese friends have warned me that an Ayi will be very nice to children when the parents are around, but abusive when the family has left, that they steal, etc. I am not sure why this is - resentment towards the upper class, poor education, no respect for the job, culture....who knows.
Playing with a child is not common even amongst parents and grandparents who are caring for their own child/grandchildren. I am not saying that they do not have their own ways of showing love for children, but it isn't as playful or imaginative as you see in other cultures. To properly care for a child Chinese people make sure noses are wiped, that children do not injure themselves, and that they are bundled up. We had a temporary Ayi when we first arrived and she would stand over our shoulder while we ate with a broom/dustpan and sweep up crumbs as they dropped on the floor. When the boys tried to touch her to be friendly and playful she would swat their hands away. Personally, I feel like doing that too - so I can empathize, but it probably wasn't a good fit us.
I have been surprised at how much people who care for children are looked down on in Chinese culture. Virtually all of the Ayis that work in Beijing are from rural villages who are working in Beijing illegally. They work 6 days a week; 10-12 hours a day and make about 3,000 RMB per month ($500 USD). Now I know what you are thinking, but to put this into perspective teachers make 2,500-3,200 per month. PHD's working in industry make about 5,000 RMB per month ($850 USD). So other than public perception being an Ayi is a good living. If you are a teacher that has scrapped her career for a job as an Ayi your salary is 4,000 RMB per month working for a Chinese family probably 5,000+ for a foreign family.
Finding an Ayi has been an interesting experience. There are not many foreigners that live in my part of town so I have had to use local Chinese Ayi agencies to find employees. You go to an agency and usually there is a room filled with 1-2 dozen Ayis who are sometimes living at the agency until they are able to find work (1-3 months). Some agencies do a great job of screening and training the applicants, and the agency's facilities are clean. In other agencies you get the sense that people are shipped in large quantities and treated more like cattle than people. The feeling in those agencies was very depressing. Regardless of which agency you go with - your fees for both their services and the Ayis services are the same.
As you are interviewing Ayis you get questions/comments like:
- When the baby naps, I expect to nap.
- It takes me an hour to get to your house so I expect to leave at 5 pm.
- If I am taking care of your child, I cannot be expected to clean or cook.
- Do you want me to be in the room and watch the baby while he sleeps?
- They want to know very early on in the conversation how much you are going to pay them and what their hours will be. They were not shy about asking for more money or shorter hours.
We ended up hiring an Ayi for an agency that screened their applicants and found us a good match....or so we think/hope. She knows how to play with the boys and they all like her. I knew she was the Ayi for us when I got to the park last Saturday. It was 60 degrees out, all of the boys had their jackets, socks and shoes off and they were playing in the mud.
We signed a contract with the agency tonight. I am a little bit of a commitment phob - so we'll see how we do going forward. If she continues to do well or if she now slacks off. The next steps are to give the Ayi a health exam to make sure she isn't carrying any diseases (TB, AIDS, etc.), and to have her photo taken so that I can get her an ID card so that she can pick up the children from school if needed. I have also been warned to have the health of the Ayi reevaluated if she leaves Beijing to visit family.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
The School Physical - No Laughing Matter
The morning after I arrived in China I immediately took the children to get the health exam to enter school. We were assigned a local hospital that tested the standard height/weight/hearing/eyesight, and in addition to that they did a full blood draw. I am told that the condition of this hospital is quit nice compared with others in Beijing, but once again – very dirty and tired looking. You can just tell that everything is very, very old.
I took Gavin into the room first knowing that he would be the bravest of the two boys and I didn’t want Gavin to hear Sam screaming and get really scared because he is bigger and more difficult to manage. I had explained the procedure to Gavin repeatedly over the previous weeks - how they would tie off his arm, find a vein, and when they put the needle in it would feel like a little prick that would be a little painful. I told him he had done it as an infant once and had been so brave that he didn’t even cry, but that it would hurt a little and that he’d have to be brave.
When I sat Gavin in the chair, things started happening so quickly, and the translator was sitting outside with Sam. They pulled out a cup of needles quickly grabbed one and stuck it in Gavin’s arm before I fully could understand what was happening and do something to stop it. I felt sick in my stomach. Gavin cried bravely saying – mom it hurts. Then I showed him the blood going up the tube and he calmed down a little because he was then fascinated by the process. After it was finished he asked me if he could see it on video....I knew he would want to see it, but with all that was going on I just couldn’t film it.
BTW, if you leave Beijing you may have to do the health exam all over again. I am not sure how they monitor where you have been, but I have been forwarned.
Sam was next. Sam cried, and he lectured me all day about how I shouldn’t have done that to him and that he wasn’t going to be my best friend anymore. Sam can really hold a grudge, and he is so cute – it is funny and endearing.
The results wouldn’t arrive until Tuesday (4 days later), and it was a school requirement so the boys, and I had some fun seeing things around Beijing in the interim.
I took Gavin into the room first knowing that he would be the bravest of the two boys and I didn’t want Gavin to hear Sam screaming and get really scared because he is bigger and more difficult to manage. I had explained the procedure to Gavin repeatedly over the previous weeks - how they would tie off his arm, find a vein, and when they put the needle in it would feel like a little prick that would be a little painful. I told him he had done it as an infant once and had been so brave that he didn’t even cry, but that it would hurt a little and that he’d have to be brave.
When I sat Gavin in the chair, things started happening so quickly, and the translator was sitting outside with Sam. They pulled out a cup of needles quickly grabbed one and stuck it in Gavin’s arm before I fully could understand what was happening and do something to stop it. I felt sick in my stomach. Gavin cried bravely saying – mom it hurts. Then I showed him the blood going up the tube and he calmed down a little because he was then fascinated by the process. After it was finished he asked me if he could see it on video....I knew he would want to see it, but with all that was going on I just couldn’t film it.
BTW, if you leave Beijing you may have to do the health exam all over again. I am not sure how they monitor where you have been, but I have been forwarned.
Sam was next. Sam cried, and he lectured me all day about how I shouldn’t have done that to him and that he wasn’t going to be my best friend anymore. Sam can really hold a grudge, and he is so cute – it is funny and endearing.
The results wouldn’t arrive until Tuesday (4 days later), and it was a school requirement so the boys, and I had some fun seeing things around Beijing in the interim.
Here it goes...
I feel a little awkward writing a blog, but people have been asking me about life in China, and it just seems more practical to point people to one place.
Crazy but true I jumped on a plane headed for China with 3 little boys (5,3, and 1) to spend a year abroad perfecting their Mandarin. I never realized that so many people would have passionate opinions about it. Much to my surprise my in laws thought it was a great idea.....hmmmm.....I am sure it is because they value international experiences! Most other people thought I was crazy (and told me as much) - I think I heard everything from "I could never do THAT to MY family", a cheap shot on being a "Tiger" mom, or that I was some kind of conspiracy theorist...which might be true, but that is a whole different blog. Others acted as if I was turning my back on my country. A small minority of people were supportive of the idea.
WHY DID WE CHOOSE TO GO, AND WHY NOW?
This is a journey that is still unfolding. It began about 2 years ago when we decided to teach Gavin and Sam Mandarin. When we moved to LA we enrolled Gavin in a pre K program where there were students from all over the world. He went to after school Chinese classes with children from China. We did cultural and language exchanges with visiting scholars and their families, and we had several Chinese babysitters. Ultimately I felt that the boy's Mandarin was getting worse, not better after our move to Los Angeles. It was getting tougher to get them to speak Mandarin at all. Also, Gavin is in Kindergarten this year, and he isn't missing much. In China 1st grade is when things really get intense, and I didn't want to subject Gavin to that - especially if he didn't have a solid foundation in the language. So really it was now or never for us.
HOW WE PREPARED:
Looking back I do not think this trip would be possible without the 2 years of preparation, and getting to know many people who are from China. Chinese people have their own way of doing just about everything: schools, housing, utilities, visas, etc. For example, China has had its own baby boom (either that or the growth of the middle class has but a strain on quality services) - schools are full, and parents are on waiting lists for years to get their kids into the right school. The good local schools require that you own property within the area and have it as your official residence for 3-5 years before you can apply for a spot. Others schools admit you based on your father/mother working for a certain company or university. Many schools do not allow foreigners to attend. The international schools are very, very expensive - $20,000-$30,000 per year (that is not a typo). Even if you attend a private Chinese school fees are $700-$900 USD per month per child, and they want to meet you before they will accept you. We were able to navigate the system better because we had a lot of Chinese friends to help us. For example, one of our friend's got us into the school where her daughter has attended since they returned to China last winter. In addition to having friends we found a yahoo group of Expats living in Beijing that allowed us to join even though we hadn't arrived (Beijing Mamas). That has been a huge help also. Some employers or organizations put together welcome packets that explain how China works. Never say no to any information or connections in China - you need everything that you can to just get by with daily life.
Our Chinese friends were great for things like getting us into the right schools - the expats were great at things like Nanny agencies, which bottled water to drink, hiring drivers, information about visas, etc. Talking to anyone and everyone that I could was very helpful. Each person said something a little different than the person before, and it helped. One person talked about problems they have had with their children's teeth - so we knew to buy bottled mineral water instead of distilled. Another mom told me about how they do not have shower doors and that the floor gets all wet if you don't have a bathtub.
By the time I had arrived we had a ride from the airport, an apartment, food in the refrigerator, had a school, and a list of nannies to interview. It makes us sound amazing, but the reality was that when I arrived I had to accept that nothing was going to meet American standards, and I had to be okay with that. There are a 500 things I would have done differently had I been here myself. I am not sure if these things are even possible in China, but if they were I would have paid extra money for an apartment with a shower curtain/door (they just have a shower head in the corner of the bathroom and things get all wet). I would have hunted until I found the perfect 3 bedroom apartment. I would have found an apartment that doesn't let the sewer gases come up through the bathroom floor (you have to remember ever day to put water down that pipe to keep the gases out of your apartment). We have had to accept things the way they are because fixing them requires someone else to do a lot of work on your behalf....and Chinese people are so incredibly busy (more on that later).
OUR JOURNEY BEGINS:
We arrived at the airport. I was so proud of myself that I got everything to fit into the 6 allotted suitcases. We pulled up to curbside, and instead they ushered us inside because I was leaving on an international flight (first leg was domestic). $400 later in overweight baggage charges we were allowed to check our bags. I should have listened to my father in law and weighed the bags! I had no idea about the fees until after Tommy had paid them....that was some expensive peanut butter and chocolate chips.
We flew from SLC to Chicago, then to Beijing. Lucky, lucky me Tommy had a business trip to Chicago and was on our flight. Judging from that trip - I thought I was in for the nightmare plane ride of my life. 3 kids 5,3,1 1/2 on a plane with one parent for 14 hours to China. Right there is evidence that I am nuts. I bit the bullet to save vacation days for Tommy to visit. Before we boarded our flight to Beijing Tommy grabbed us some McDonalds. We boarded the plane with our last American meal in hand, and I was crying - a little out of sadness and the rushed good bye, and a lot because I was afraid of what the next 14 hours would bring.
During take off the boys were happy eating their burgers and fries. Next we put on their PJs, brushed teeth, and then I let them watch videos. They fell asleep. We flew almost directly over the north pole so it was light out almost the entire journey. That was a first for me, and I want to make the trip someday in a window seat! The boys woke up on and off throughout the night, and then for good about 3 hours outside of Beijing. I let Jack do laps inside the plane, we read books, and did some art projects. Then we landed. It was that easy. I couldn't believe it. I was so thankful.
In the airport we picked up our bags - headed through customs and met our driver waiting for us outside. My personal assistant had dropped keys off with him earlier. He works in the motor pool for the American Embassy - so we felt comfortable with that. That connection came from the Mormon church's welcome packet. The driver took us to our apartment. We arrived home at around 2 am in the morning.
Our apartment is in a very old part of town where all of the famous Chinese universities are located. "Old" doesn't equate to charming in China - and if I had been a place that looked this ghetto in the US I would have been scared for my life. The lights in the hallway are noise activated, but do not come on unless you stomp on the floor. There was a stench of stale cigarette smoke in the halls and the walls were so dirty.
I was thankful once inside our apartment the cigarette smell was gone. The walls inside the apartment are dirty, some of the furniture was so disgusting that you want to cry when you children touch it, and one of the 2 bathrooms is so smelly we can't use it....BUT when our Chinese friends come to visit we hear ooohs and aaahhhs about how lucky we are. With labor so cheap it makes you really wonder why things aren't taken care of better.....If you think that we got a bargain on our apartment - think again. We pay 7500 RMB for a 2 bedroom + the Chinese government charges sales taxes on rent of another 5-10% so our rent is about $1200 USD per month without utilities. We would have probably paid the same for the same quality apartment in Los Angeles.
To be continued....
Crazy but true I jumped on a plane headed for China with 3 little boys (5,3, and 1) to spend a year abroad perfecting their Mandarin. I never realized that so many people would have passionate opinions about it. Much to my surprise my in laws thought it was a great idea.....hmmmm.....I am sure it is because they value international experiences! Most other people thought I was crazy (and told me as much) - I think I heard everything from "I could never do THAT to MY family", a cheap shot on being a "Tiger" mom, or that I was some kind of conspiracy theorist...which might be true, but that is a whole different blog. Others acted as if I was turning my back on my country. A small minority of people were supportive of the idea.
WHY DID WE CHOOSE TO GO, AND WHY NOW?
This is a journey that is still unfolding. It began about 2 years ago when we decided to teach Gavin and Sam Mandarin. When we moved to LA we enrolled Gavin in a pre K program where there were students from all over the world. He went to after school Chinese classes with children from China. We did cultural and language exchanges with visiting scholars and their families, and we had several Chinese babysitters. Ultimately I felt that the boy's Mandarin was getting worse, not better after our move to Los Angeles. It was getting tougher to get them to speak Mandarin at all. Also, Gavin is in Kindergarten this year, and he isn't missing much. In China 1st grade is when things really get intense, and I didn't want to subject Gavin to that - especially if he didn't have a solid foundation in the language. So really it was now or never for us.
HOW WE PREPARED:
Looking back I do not think this trip would be possible without the 2 years of preparation, and getting to know many people who are from China. Chinese people have their own way of doing just about everything: schools, housing, utilities, visas, etc. For example, China has had its own baby boom (either that or the growth of the middle class has but a strain on quality services) - schools are full, and parents are on waiting lists for years to get their kids into the right school. The good local schools require that you own property within the area and have it as your official residence for 3-5 years before you can apply for a spot. Others schools admit you based on your father/mother working for a certain company or university. Many schools do not allow foreigners to attend. The international schools are very, very expensive - $20,000-$30,000 per year (that is not a typo). Even if you attend a private Chinese school fees are $700-$900 USD per month per child, and they want to meet you before they will accept you. We were able to navigate the system better because we had a lot of Chinese friends to help us. For example, one of our friend's got us into the school where her daughter has attended since they returned to China last winter. In addition to having friends we found a yahoo group of Expats living in Beijing that allowed us to join even though we hadn't arrived (Beijing Mamas). That has been a huge help also. Some employers or organizations put together welcome packets that explain how China works. Never say no to any information or connections in China - you need everything that you can to just get by with daily life.
Our Chinese friends were great for things like getting us into the right schools - the expats were great at things like Nanny agencies, which bottled water to drink, hiring drivers, information about visas, etc. Talking to anyone and everyone that I could was very helpful. Each person said something a little different than the person before, and it helped. One person talked about problems they have had with their children's teeth - so we knew to buy bottled mineral water instead of distilled. Another mom told me about how they do not have shower doors and that the floor gets all wet if you don't have a bathtub.
By the time I had arrived we had a ride from the airport, an apartment, food in the refrigerator, had a school, and a list of nannies to interview. It makes us sound amazing, but the reality was that when I arrived I had to accept that nothing was going to meet American standards, and I had to be okay with that. There are a 500 things I would have done differently had I been here myself. I am not sure if these things are even possible in China, but if they were I would have paid extra money for an apartment with a shower curtain/door (they just have a shower head in the corner of the bathroom and things get all wet). I would have hunted until I found the perfect 3 bedroom apartment. I would have found an apartment that doesn't let the sewer gases come up through the bathroom floor (you have to remember ever day to put water down that pipe to keep the gases out of your apartment). We have had to accept things the way they are because fixing them requires someone else to do a lot of work on your behalf....and Chinese people are so incredibly busy (more on that later).
OUR JOURNEY BEGINS:
We arrived at the airport. I was so proud of myself that I got everything to fit into the 6 allotted suitcases. We pulled up to curbside, and instead they ushered us inside because I was leaving on an international flight (first leg was domestic). $400 later in overweight baggage charges we were allowed to check our bags. I should have listened to my father in law and weighed the bags! I had no idea about the fees until after Tommy had paid them....that was some expensive peanut butter and chocolate chips.
We flew from SLC to Chicago, then to Beijing. Lucky, lucky me Tommy had a business trip to Chicago and was on our flight. Judging from that trip - I thought I was in for the nightmare plane ride of my life. 3 kids 5,3,1 1/2 on a plane with one parent for 14 hours to China. Right there is evidence that I am nuts. I bit the bullet to save vacation days for Tommy to visit. Before we boarded our flight to Beijing Tommy grabbed us some McDonalds. We boarded the plane with our last American meal in hand, and I was crying - a little out of sadness and the rushed good bye, and a lot because I was afraid of what the next 14 hours would bring.
During take off the boys were happy eating their burgers and fries. Next we put on their PJs, brushed teeth, and then I let them watch videos. They fell asleep. We flew almost directly over the north pole so it was light out almost the entire journey. That was a first for me, and I want to make the trip someday in a window seat! The boys woke up on and off throughout the night, and then for good about 3 hours outside of Beijing. I let Jack do laps inside the plane, we read books, and did some art projects. Then we landed. It was that easy. I couldn't believe it. I was so thankful.
In the airport we picked up our bags - headed through customs and met our driver waiting for us outside. My personal assistant had dropped keys off with him earlier. He works in the motor pool for the American Embassy - so we felt comfortable with that. That connection came from the Mormon church's welcome packet. The driver took us to our apartment. We arrived home at around 2 am in the morning.
Our apartment is in a very old part of town where all of the famous Chinese universities are located. "Old" doesn't equate to charming in China - and if I had been a place that looked this ghetto in the US I would have been scared for my life. The lights in the hallway are noise activated, but do not come on unless you stomp on the floor. There was a stench of stale cigarette smoke in the halls and the walls were so dirty.
I was thankful once inside our apartment the cigarette smell was gone. The walls inside the apartment are dirty, some of the furniture was so disgusting that you want to cry when you children touch it, and one of the 2 bathrooms is so smelly we can't use it....BUT when our Chinese friends come to visit we hear ooohs and aaahhhs about how lucky we are. With labor so cheap it makes you really wonder why things aren't taken care of better.....If you think that we got a bargain on our apartment - think again. We pay 7500 RMB for a 2 bedroom + the Chinese government charges sales taxes on rent of another 5-10% so our rent is about $1200 USD per month without utilities. We would have probably paid the same for the same quality apartment in Los Angeles.
To be continued....
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